Is the Yellowstone Supervolcano an Illuminati Plot?

Fight disinformation: Sign up for the free Mother Jones Daily newsletter and follow the news that matters.

Someone Walked: The National Park Service doesn't mess around when it comes to terrifying signage. Serious question, though: Why is the one adult in this scene walking away completely unfazed by the screams of his children? (Photo: Tim Murphy).Someone Walked: The National Park Service doesn’t mess around when it comes to terrifying signage. Meanwhile, why does the one adult in this scene seem totally unfazed by the screams of these poor children? (Photo: Tim Murphy).Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming—Back on the planet Earth where I was raised, I’d never given much credence to the notion that the Yellowstone Supervolcano was part of a New World Order plot to exterminate two-thirds of the world’s population, bring about the Messiah, and restore large swaths of the continent to their original wilderness state. Then I discovered the Internet:

“The Illuminati may be planning to use the destructive nature of the Yellowstone Super Volcano as their major tool to accomplish their coveted ‘Re-wilding’ project.”

I guess Lady Gaga was just a decoy. Fortunately, there’s a whole community of independent Internet researchers who have committed themselves to constant vigilance of all things supervolcano—they monitor seismographic charts, earthquake patterns in the shape of a “Y” (Yellowstone has a calling card, apparently) in the western part of the continent, and the National Park Service’s Old Faithful webcam (which you can, and absolutely should, do as well). Rest assured that, should things start to get hairy, you’ll be able to plan accordingly and move somewhere remote like Montan—oh. Oh.

The imagination of the Illuminati knows no bounds (Photo: Tim Murphy).The Illuminati will stop at nothing (Photo: Tim Murphy).I should also note that the Yellowstone Supervolcano kind of underscores the logistical problems of joining a survivalist community. You’ve finally put the finishing touches on your bomb shelter, moved as far away from any desirable terrorist targets as possible, stocked up on ammo, canned enough vegetables (this is a survivalist thing, right?) to last until the big war finally winds down and things get a little less hairy, and put your combat boots up on the desk to thumb through Left Behind, and then—boom!—lava. How do you even plan for that?

In all seriousness, though, the US Geological Survey, which I guess should know, insists that, contrary to independent Internet researchers, there’s nothing to worry about; most likely, if/when Yellowstone erupts, the lava flows will be moving really slowly and you’ll be able to outrun it. Or even more likely, it’ll just cause an uptick in hydrothermal activity, so…stay on the walkways, I guess.

WE'LL BE BLUNT

It is astonishingly hard keeping a newsroom afloat these days, and we need to raise $253,000 in online donations quickly, by October 7.

The short of it: Last year, we had to cut $1 million from our budget so we could have any chance of breaking even by the time our fiscal year ended in June. And despite a huge rally from so many of you leading up to the deadline, we still came up a bit short on the whole. We can’t let that happen again. We have no wiggle room to begin with, and now we have a hole to dig out of.

Readers also told us to just give it to you straight when we need to ask for your support, and seeing how matter-of-factly explaining our inner workings, our challenges and finances, can bring more of you in has been a real silver lining. So our online membership lead, Brian, lays it all out for you in his personal, insider account (that literally puts his skin in the game!) of how urgent things are right now.

The upshot: Being able to rally $253,000 in donations over these next few weeks is vitally important simply because it is the number that keeps us right on track, helping make sure we don't end up with a bigger gap than can be filled again, helping us avoid any significant (and knowable) cash-flow crunches for now. We used to be more nonchalant about coming up short this time of year, thinking we can make it by the time June rolls around. Not anymore.

Because the in-depth journalism on underreported beats and unique perspectives on the daily news you turn to Mother Jones for is only possible because readers fund us. Corporations and powerful people with deep pockets will never sustain the type of journalism we exist to do. The only investors who won’t let independent, investigative journalism down are the people who actually care about its future—you.

And we need readers to show up for us big time—again.

Getting just 10 percent of the people who care enough about our work to be reading this blurb to part with a few bucks would be utterly transformative for us, and that's very much what we need to keep charging hard in this financially uncertain, high-stakes year.

If you can right now, please support the journalism you get from Mother Jones with a donation at whatever amount works for you. And please do it now, before you move on to whatever you're about to do next and think maybe you'll get to it later, because every gift matters and we really need to see a strong response if we're going to raise the $253,000 we need in less than three weeks.

payment methods

WE'LL BE BLUNT

It is astonishingly hard keeping a newsroom afloat these days, and we need to raise $253,000 in online donations quickly, by October 7.

The short of it: Last year, we had to cut $1 million from our budget so we could have any chance of breaking even by the time our fiscal year ended in June. And despite a huge rally from so many of you leading up to the deadline, we still came up a bit short on the whole. We can’t let that happen again. We have no wiggle room to begin with, and now we have a hole to dig out of.

Readers also told us to just give it to you straight when we need to ask for your support, and seeing how matter-of-factly explaining our inner workings, our challenges and finances, can bring more of you in has been a real silver lining. So our online membership lead, Brian, lays it all out for you in his personal, insider account (that literally puts his skin in the game!) of how urgent things are right now.

The upshot: Being able to rally $253,000 in donations over these next few weeks is vitally important simply because it is the number that keeps us right on track, helping make sure we don't end up with a bigger gap than can be filled again, helping us avoid any significant (and knowable) cash-flow crunches for now. We used to be more nonchalant about coming up short this time of year, thinking we can make it by the time June rolls around. Not anymore.

Because the in-depth journalism on underreported beats and unique perspectives on the daily news you turn to Mother Jones for is only possible because readers fund us. Corporations and powerful people with deep pockets will never sustain the type of journalism we exist to do. The only investors who won’t let independent, investigative journalism down are the people who actually care about its future—you.

And we need readers to show up for us big time—again.

Getting just 10 percent of the people who care enough about our work to be reading this blurb to part with a few bucks would be utterly transformative for us, and that's very much what we need to keep charging hard in this financially uncertain, high-stakes year.

If you can right now, please support the journalism you get from Mother Jones with a donation at whatever amount works for you. And please do it now, before you move on to whatever you're about to do next and think maybe you'll get to it later, because every gift matters and we really need to see a strong response if we're going to raise the $253,000 we need in less than three weeks.

payment methods

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate