PHOTOS: 111 Dogs That Can’t Vote in Virginia

Voter-fraud paranoia has been known to drive Republicans to believe nonsensical, sketchy stuff.

Just take the latest installment in the epic, dystopian Dogs Are Voting saga: To hear Matt Drudge and Mitt Romney’s campaign tell it, dogs—leftist dogs—are registering to vote in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

And it’s the Democratic Party’s wily foot soldiers who are aiding and abetting.

On Wednesday, Team Romney sent a warning to state officials that the Voter Participation Center’s liberal vassals were mailing out registration forms to addresses “pre-populated with names and/or information belonging to the recipients’ dead relatives,” convicted felons, and pet cats and dogs. The campaign’s general counsel claimed that such schemes “amount to, or at the very least induce, voter registration fraud,” and demanded swift and immediate action.

And so it will be the ballot-booth-savvy dogs who swing Virginia to the left in the next election, thus clearing the path for Democrats to jam through a constitutional amendment requiring you to eat nothing but tofu and parsnip on Mondays.

But rest assured: Despite what some die-hard conservatives would have you believe, dogs still won’t be able to vote in Virginia. Here are some of them:

1. “Princess Bel Air”

Even if she were registered, she is far to fluffy and complacent to vote. Akaporn Bhothisuwan/FlickrEven if she were registered, she is far too fluffy and complacent to actually vote. Akaporn Bhothisuwan/Flickr

2. Reservoir Dogs Dog

"You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize." Duccio Moon/FlickrYou shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.” Duccio Moon/Flickr

3. Piranha Dog

nom nom voter fraud nom. Stefan Georgi/Flickrnom nom voter fraud nom Stefan Georgi/Flickr

4. Mysteriously Airborne Dog

"Nope, no voting to be had up here, either." Jill Watson/Flickr“Nope, no voting, legal or illegal, to be had up here, either.” Jill Watson/Flickr5. Air Bud

Votes Republican, anyway. WikimediaHe votes Republican, anyway. Wikimedia

6. John-Travolta-as-a-dog

The hamster represents democracy. IMDBThe hamster symbolizes hard-earned suffrage. IMDB7. That talking dog who’s perpetually horny and foul-mouthed

"...for me to..." NBC Universal“Political franchise is a really great thing…for me to poop on!!” NBC Universal

8. Dog that takes a violent bath with Tom Hanks

9. – 109. These dalmatians

Also, they're British nationals, so that might further complicate the voting thing. Buena Vista PicturesAlso, they’re British nationals, so that would further complicate the whole voting thing. Buena Vista Pictures110. Wishbone

Employed by the socialism-tinged PBS. Screenshot: Public Broadcasting ServiceEmployed by the socialism-tainted PBS, no less. Screenshot: Public Broadcasting Service111. Seamus Romney (boom.)

He is a thing with a  WikimediaHe’s a dog and he’s long-deceased—in other words, a voter-fraud goldmine. Wikimedia

Over a hundred dogs are represented here—none of them are eligible to vote in Virginia, none of them are registered, none of them have anybody voting in their place this year. The same goes for many more dogs in the commonwealth. No stricts laws or purge were necessary to maintain this aspect of the one-dog-zero-vote status quo.

Just a thought.

SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

payment methods

SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

payment methods

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate