Twitter has become a comedic haven for role players and impostors posing as politicians, celebrities, and inanimate objects. Behold a few of our faves.
Miami fun day w/ Kanye. A boundless sea of pleasure. I feel the sort of meretricious ecstasy he is capable of producing, but also the ennui.
— KimKierkegaardashian (@KimKierkegaard) October 8, 2012
Guess who has two thumbs and is excited for church in four days… THIS MOTHER FUCKER! (I’m pointing to myself)
— Tim Tebow (@Faux_TimTebow) October 11, 2012
Mars is the happiest planet, because if you cry your eyeballs boil away. And also you freeze and suffocate and death.
— SarcasticRover (@SarcasticRover) December 18, 2012
21,567 days without a pregnancy scare. I hope tweeting it doesn’t jinx it.
— Betty F*ckin’ White (@BettyFckinWhite) September 26, 2012
Visiting the second cabinet of the day: the gin cabinet.
— Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) December 18, 2012
DO YOU WANT TO RECEDE DEEPER INTO THE COMFORTS OF THE STATUS QUO OR DO YOU WANT TO BE A BIG GIRL?
— Jenny Holzer, Mom (@JennyHolzerMom) October 4, 2012
Hugo Chavez is holding an election to decide whether he stays in power.Pussy.
— KimJongNumberUn (@KimJongNumberUn) October 7, 2012
Joe goes to the hair salon every week. He doesn’t get his hair done, he just really likes gossip.
— Dr. Jill Biden (@JillBidenVeep) November 11, 2012
Where is that last stronghold? Where the idealized past is safe from the looming tomorrows? Deep. Deep and away. (struggling on marshmallow)
— Self Aware ROOMBA (@SelfAwareROOMBA) September 7, 2012
Don’t trust anyone over 3 billion years old.
— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) October 7, 2012