We All Scream For Wayne LaPierre’s Ice Cream

From my cold, dead, sticky hands…Pete Marovich/ZUMAPress (LaPierre); <a href="http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-117043192/stock-photo-four-flavors-ice-cream-with-cone-on-white-background.html">M. Unal Ozmen</a>/Shutterstock (ice cream)

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Among the revelations in last weekend’s New York Times profile of National Rifle Association chief executive Wayne LaPierre was this delicious nugget: “His fantasy,” according to a former colleague, “was to retire from the NRA and open an ice cream shop in Maine.” Should LaPierre ever beat his swords into ice cream scoops, here are a few suggestions for flavors that will set him apart from Ben & Jerry’s:

Second Amendmint

S’more Guns, Less Crime

Glocky Road

Concealed Carry Garcia

Mmmmmm-16

Stand Your Grounds (with real espresso beans!)

Jamoca Ammo Fudge

Freeze, M*****f*****!

Shall Not Be In-Fridged

Banana Clip Chip

License to Chill

Jackfruited Thugs (exotic sorbet flavor)

Wayne Swirled

What, no hand-packed pints of Gun Nut? The Star Spangled Ice Cream company beat him to it a decade ago—and even scored an endorsement from NRA board member Ted Nugent.

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BEFORE YOU CLICK AWAY!

“Lying.” “Disgusting.” “Scum.” “Slime.” “Corrupt.” “Enemy of the people.” Donald Trump has always made clear what he thinks of journalists. And it’s plain now that his administration intends to do everything it can to stop journalists from reporting things they don’t like—which is most things that are true.

No one gets to tell Mother Jones what to publish or not publish, because no one owns our fiercely independent newsroom. But that also means we need to directly raise the resources it takes to keep our journalism alive. There’s only one way for that to happen, and it’s readers like you stepping up. Please help with a donation today if you can—even a few bucks will make a real difference. A monthly gift would be incredible.

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