Scene: President Obama, driving slowly toward the White House, announces yet again that he wants to shut down the Guantanamo prison camp. A clamor erupts in the back seat.
Kids, I’ve already told you a million times—I’m going to close Guantanamo.
This time I mean it. And no bellyaching.
Listen, I know you don’t like it, but it’s time we behaved like civilized human beings.
I don’t care who started it. That doesn’t make it right.
Will you please quiet down? I can’t even hear my own executive order over all that racket!
I’m serious now. End of discussion.
Because I am your president, that’s why!
Don’t make me pull this prison camp over. Because I will.
Just wait until your next president hears about this. Hoo boy is she gonna be mad.
Keep it up and you won’t be extralegally detaining anyone for a solid month, mister!
We’ve been over the drone thing. When you’re a president you can do whatever you want with a drone.
Don’t you “habeas schmabeas” me, young lady!
That’s it! I am so drafting a new, even stronger statement as soon as we get home.
And stop asking if we’re there yet! We’ll end this War on Terror when we get there!