With five shopping days left until Christmas—and four for Hanukkah, slacker—you might be feeling pressure to come through with some great gifts for friends and family. Not to worry: the Republican and Democratic parties are here to help! From decorative lapel-wear to straight-talkin’ tees, the parties’ respective online stores are offering a festive array of gift selections this holiday season. Here are some real winners, sure to please the partisan in your life. In no particular order:
1. Limited Edition American Eagle Brooch
From the National Republican Congressional Committee comes this “exquisite piece.” For the low price of $72—or $200 for three!—you can show off your American pride while helping “preserve our Conservative House Majority.”
2. ACTION Mugs
Take an executive action and order these mugs. Delicious-looking hot cocoa, shortbread cookies, and cozy blanket do not appear to be included.
3. George W. Bush Quote Mousepad
For that someone who could use a bit of W. wisdom with each click they make. At $15, it’s a steal from the NRCC—and it could appreciate in value with any additional Bush presidencies.
4. I Am Organizing For Action, Long-Sleeve-T Edition
There’s no better way to communicate that you’re organizing for action than this handsome, olive long-sleeve tee that says, “I am organizing for action.” For $20, it’s a solid choice for that community organizer you know with a flair for subtlety.
5. George H.W. Bush Autograph Socks
From the color combo to the presidential signature, these socks are just beautiful. They were supposedly designed for H.W. himself—widely known to be a sock man—and for $41 (get it?!), this is the ideal gift for the boat-shoe-wearing College Republican in your life.
6. Very Blue Shirt
Great gift! Unless you have trouble distinguishing between identical shades of blue, or if you have issues with the Democrats’ logo rebrand. But it’s $30, and the DNC says it can “withstand sports,” so it’s still an OK buy. It’ll really complement that sweet arm tat.
7. Anti-Tea Party Travel Mug
There’s nothing quite like a good travel mug with a strong opinion. At $30, this is a certified “great gift.” The mug has even pissed off the Daily Caller—a priceless value-add.
8. “Official” Cheney GOP Cowboy Hat
The clear winner this holiday season: this limited-edition hat from the RNC, engraved with Dick’s signature, and lined with a gold Republican Party seal. For a cool $72, you can “help elect our next Republican president” while channeling America’s favorite Republican vice president. It’ll be sure to add that stylish touch to your enhanced cattle-rustlin’ techniques.
Disclaimer: Obviously, you should not buy any of these things. Nobody wants to talk politics at Christmas. Don’t make Mom get into this.