CIA Tells “King of the Bros” He Can’t See Bin Laden’s Porn Stash

Al-Jazeera/ZUMA

If you were hoping to score a peek at Osama Bin Laden’s pile of smut, arguably the most salacious stuff collected when Navy SEALs raided his hideout in Pakistan, it looks like you’re out of luck: The White House is keeping good on its word to keep the reported porn stash under wraps.

Last month, David Covucci, the self-proclaimed “King of the Bros,” sent the CIA the following FOIA request to view the X-rated spoils of the war on terror:

We at the men’s general interest publication BroBible dot com (one of the nation’s largest websites for men), would like to know what pornographic materials Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death.

We are adults. We can handle it. We would like to know what kind of porn the world’s most wanted man jerked it to. Does being under the constant threat of capture require extra stimulation? I imagine it would be hard for him to focus on his dick, so I figure he had to watch some really nasty shit.

Uncovering Bin Laden’s pornography is a matter of great importance to Covucci. The government’s refusal to disclose it, is “fucking bullshit nanny state bullshit,” he recently wrote on BroBible.

Alas, the CIA denied his valiant effort because the porn—if it even exists at all—is classified as “operational,” according to a letter it sent Covucci. Oh, and the agency insists it can’t send “obscene matter” through the mail:

With regard to the pornographic material Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death, responsive records, should they exist, would be contained in the operational files. The CIA Information Act, 50 U.S.C 431, as amended, exempts CIA operational files from search, review, publication, and disclosure requirements of the FOIA. To the extent that this material exists, the CIA would be prohibited by 18 USC Section 1461 from mailing obscene matter.

Fist-bump for actually getting a response from the CIA, though!