Ted Cruz celebrates his Iowa victory.AP/Chris Carlson
Craig Mazin is on a Twitter roll.
His antipathy for his former Princeton roommate, Ted Cruz, has made him a public sounding board for Cruz haters and fun seekers, and a target for the senator’s supporters. “I would rather have anybody else be the president of the United States,” Mazin told the Daily Beast. “Anyone. I would rather pick somebody from the phone book.”
Plenty of Cruz fans tweet at Mazin to take issue with his mini-diatribes or, since Monday, to gloat over their candidate’s victory in Iowa. But Mazin politely gives as good as he gets. Here are his relevant exchanges from the past 48 hours or so. (Click the links for more context.)
He took AP Shaming long before he arrived at Princeton. https://t.co/6uOpU9Wd1L
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 31, 2016
.@Lin_Manuel‘s shortest musical. CRUZ. “I am not throwing away my–” BANG. “Is he dead?” “Yup.” CURTAIN. APPLAUSE. https://t.co/LevPFjtLWD
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 31, 2016
“The Lord told me to vote for Ted Cruz.” Remind me why the omnipotent creator of the universe would give a shit? https://t.co/4q55UucOOz
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 31, 2016
There is no book. There’s only the cover. https://t.co/BazerdXx5X
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 1, 2016
Some nice charities. Equality, Planned Parenthood, bone marrow registry, whatever you’d like. https://t.co/5gX5aBHCi5
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 1, 2016
By “friends” I assume you mean “most people” and by “mean girls” you mean “observant, thoughtful individuals?” Yes. https://t.co/fQiFwZW3ea
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 1, 2016
I’m not much of a drinker. Either way, I’ll smile. With every passing day, the world gets a clearer view. https://t.co/pS2qIWwLcG
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 1, 2016
Yeah, turns out U.S. military commanders also think Ted is a jackass. Who’s left at this point? https://t.co/AHpkxJnIbO
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 1, 2016
Where do you think he works now, sir? Where does the job he wants take place, sir? We’ll wait. https://t.co/sZEpLf4rzc
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Hey everyone! Had a great time seeing Hail, Caesar! tonight. Anything else happen? Oh! Right! Ted won the Santorum-Huckabee prize!
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Personally, I’m kinda thrilled. More Cruz! If I suffered for 10 months with this abomination, why should you people get off any easier?
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
“Once there was a walking personality disorder who ran for President…” https://t.co/NoCi0MXDve
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
No, it’s new. I assume one wrist is local time, and the other is whatever time it is in the hellpit that spawned him https://t.co/4kFR5DVLLe
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Are those “don’t tread on me” snakes… or the alien worms piloting the meat suit you all call “Ted Cruz”? https://t.co/fjPrzU20Wm
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
You think tonight bothers me? Please. Every day I’d come back to my room and find Ted shirtless in bed, hands behind his head, armpits out.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Yes, a character from a remaindered Left Behind knockoff novel who thinks his son is going to bring Jeebus back. https://t.co/sO0Rocg9iB
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Ummm, yes you can. You can watch them on TV right now if you want… https://t.co/DxpzoyJXrj
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Sure. Two possibilities.
1. Tragic coincidence
2. I’m a character in a story, and the author is a dick https://t.co/xsHatgduDH— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
You want “horrible.” His sense of smell was fine. His actual smell was yucky. Linking verbs! https://t.co/nJX6GDUOMO
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
“Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young!” https://t.co/OxQRtGdV84
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Ted Cruz focused all of his resources on a state with tailor-made demographics for him, and he got 50,000 votes. Dodger Stadium fits 56,000.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
I wanted to read your comment, but I locked in on your Jesus Fire Flag and started astral projecting. https://t.co/ak0haIFmZV
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
I know! Ten thousand more votes than President Huckabee got! Also, you want a comma before “you schmuck.” https://t.co/QUHEnL2OhT
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Maybe we were both gay for each other! IT’S TIME FOR HOMO PANIC EVERYONE! AAAHHHH GAY STUFF HELP ME LORD AHHHHHHHHH! https://t.co/ZNe1OpewKl
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Your name is “Multi Automatic Round” and my rebuttal is complete. https://t.co/6V3Vq3bYQO
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
Wow. Close one. I’m gonna say……………. yup. Still me. https://t.co/y9qBbshhM5
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
More homo panic. I think there’s a study somewhere that indicates something about… wait. Stickeehands? https://t.co/JlR98gwzE8
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
I don’t know for sure, but everything seems to indicate his Jörg is rather Tittel. https://t.co/m0ejQzFXJW
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) February 2, 2016
