Trump Cancels Military Parade, Floats Buying 2/3rds of Fighter Jet

“I will instead…”

Jeff Malet/Newscom via ZUMA Press

Donald Trump, who skillfully avoided military service and once compared his own promiscuous sex life in the eighties with Vietnam, was forced to cancel his military parade after estimates of its cost ballooned from $12 million to $92 million.

On Thursday, the Secretary of Defense disputed the new estimate and suggested that potheads were to blame for news of it getting out, but the Pentagon announced that the parade, which was nominally set to mark the 100th anniversary of the end of the first World War, would be “postponed” until sometime in 2019 to commemorate an as yet-to-be-determined anniversary. (The 101st anniversary of the end of the first World War? Prohibition?)

Trump, who misremembered key details of the film Apocalypse Now, seized the credit for the decision to cancel the parade on Friday morning heaping blame on the city government of Washington DC. 

Perhaps only a fraction of a single jet fighter. According to the Government Accountability Office’s latest estimates, the procurement cost of a single F-35 is $140.6 million dollars.