The deep state is coming for National Happiness Happens Day this Sunday, observed every August 8 since 1999, according to senior government officials with knowledge of the matter, who say the day is in jeopardy.
Five independently corroborated whistleblowers at the highest levels of office warn of a cabal of conspirators operationalizing a plot to torpedo happiness day and replace it with National What’s the Fuss Day, National Go Back to Bed Day, and National Don’t Even Bother Getting Out of Bed Day. The plan’s adherents, according to screenshots from an internal slide deck posted on encrypted anti-happiness message boards, obtained by Mother Jones’ Recharge editors, claim that “more happiness for more people would destabilize our designs on the consolidation of capital and power.”
But a Justice Department official, on condition of anonymity, tells us, “Don’t rush to conclusions. There are even-deeper-state countermeasures underway to interrupt this lurid anti-happiness plot by expanding National Happiness Happens Day to two (2) days a year. Three (3) is also on the table.”