Passionate Pioneer ISO…


“Language, A Key Mechanism of Control,” a pamphlet distributed in 1990 by Newt Gingrich’s GOPAC, gave “Good Republicans” a little advice on rhetoric:

A set of words to use when speaking about other Good Republicans …and a second list to use when speaking about, well, everyone else, particularly their political adversaries.

Active(ly)
Activist
Building
Candid(ly)
Care(ing)
Challenge
Change
Children
Choice/choose
Citizen
Commitment
Common sense
Compete
Confident
Conflict
Control
Courage
Crusade
Debate
Dream
Duty
Eliminate good-time in prison
Empower(ment)
Fair
Family
Freedom
Hard work
Help
Humane
Incentive
Initiative
Lead
Learn
Legacy
Liberty
Light
Listen
Mobilize
Moral
Movement
Opportunity
Passionate
Peace
Pioneer
Precious
Premise
Preserve
Principle(d)
Pristine
Pro-(issue) flag, children, environment
Prosperity
Protect
Proud/pride
Provide
Reform
Rights
Share
Strength
Success
Tough
Truth
Unique
Vision
We/us/our
Workfare

Anti-(issue) flag, family, child, jobs
Betray
Coercion
Collapse
“Compassion” is not enough.
Consequences
Corruption
Crisis
Decay
Deeper
Destroy
Destructive
Devour
Endanger
Failure
Greed
Hypocrisy
Ideological
Impose
Incompetent
Insecure
Liberal
Lie
Limit(s)
Pathetic
Permissive attitude
Radical
Self-serving
Sensationalists
Shallow
Sick
They/them
Threaten
Traitors
Unionized bureaucracy
Urgent
Waste

This type of self-help for self-promoters is popping up everywhere. A Man’s Guide to Advertising for a Woman (Loompanics Unlimited, 1996) provides “examples of acceptable phrases that can be substituted for crass ones that are likely to dissaude responses” (or, in the GOPAC case, votes):

Instead of Try
Looking for physical relationship Looking for snuggles or cuddles
Let’s get naked Looking for romance and intimacy
Can’t get enough of it Hopeless Romantic
Virile Athletic, energetic and passionate
Seeking oral gratification Seeking liberated woman
Let’s make love like animals Enjoys camping and outdoors
Let’s have a wild weekend Loves fires and candlelight dinners

We decided to try our hand at this euphemistic exercise and write some personal ads for Newt Gingrich himself. (Remember, red words are for friendly Republicans. Blue words are for everyone else.) His ad in the “Boys Seeking Girls” section might read:

Passionate pioneer

ISO pristine, principled citizen to join my crusade for moral prosperity. Shallow, self-serving, incompetent liberals with permissive attitudes need not apply. They make me sick.

 

If Newt was looking for a running mate instead, his “Other Seeking” ad might look like this:

Commonsense Reform Leader

seeks opportunity to build commitment with confident, passionate, pro-flag activist. Must be caring, yet dream of control. Unionized bureaucratic anti-child liberals impose ideological corruption and threaten crisis.

Is it any wonder Colin Powell refused the Republican ticket?