SugarDaddy.com: Old Dogs, New Tricks
Old dogs, new tricks
Few things are less appetizing than a man four years my father's junior, a dumpy, pasty, greedy-eyed man in a gray suit who says he doesn't care to screw fat women because they're harder to overpower, asking me over a big bowl of warm apple crisp if I like anal sex. But since he's just offered me $3,000 a month plus perks—gifts, dinners, shopping sprees—to get naked with him once a week, I keep my tight young ass in its place, laugh politely, and pick up my fork.
I learned about SugarDaddy.com when an acquaintance I'll call "Kim" recommended it to my friend, who's had trouble finding a job despite (or because of) earning her master's in media arts several months ago. Kim collected $900 every time she went on a date with one of her sugar daddies; another gave her $3,500 in less than a week before announcing that he had to quit her because his wife had found out. Kim's best friend "Jill" had two sugar daddies giving her a combined $8,000 a month until one got jealous of the other. Jill has blond hair, amazing lips, and is 19.
All I had to do to gain access to the "meeting grounds of the rich and the beautiful" was enter a user name ("Nextdoor_Nicole"); some vitals like age (I lied and said 23, afraid 27 is overripe), marital status ("Do You Care?" is kind of an exciting choice), and body type (slim); and "Expectation: Select Financial Assistance You Desire," which ranges up to "more than $10,000 per month." I chose "negotiable," so as not to seem like a gold digger, I guess, and slapped up a picture my mom took of me last Christmas.
By the next day, I'd received 13 emails and 6 kisses, whatever that means, and been checked out by 36 older, wealthy men, two of whom added me to their "favorite list." Which brings me to my place across the table from Do You Like Anal, who puts proprietary hands on my shoulders and hips before we even get our cocktails and starts bartering for carnal treasure by the time dessert comes by asking me if I'd want to "hang out" once a week. I ask if "hang out" is a euphemism for "screw"; he says yes; I say that I wouldn't consider it for less than $5,000 a month. He counters with $3,000.
There is actually no stack of cash large enough to persuade me to have sex with this guy, but as his income is listed as "more than $1,000,000," I feel slighted. I ask why he uses this website if he's not prepared to dole it out, and he says regular dating sites don't cater to his preferences regarding age or "sensuality," and that the young girls on Craigslist are all unclassy whores. This statement is followed by an offer of $500 to "get into" my "cooch."
My double vodka doesn't do nearly enough to muffle his egotistical blather ("Enough about me," he says 20 minutes in. "Tell me about you. What do you think about me?") or the commentary he provides about his, um, girth. My roommate—charged with checking in on me—texts, "If he gets you the guacamole egg rolls you owe him a BJ. Also, ask him if I can have a pony."
When I arrive home to a houseful of twentysomethings, we rail against the lowball. The lone male in the group asks, "Would it have made a difference if he'd been attractive?" Nobody answers for a second. "Probably," I concede, and everyone reluctantly agrees; we are all sex-positive feminists here, offended not that he offered me money for sex, but that he offered so little and was so gross, and if the idea of doing him were palatable, and I were single, it's possible he'd be doing double duty as my boyfriend and payroll officer.
Clearly I'm not the only one intrigued by such a setup. Every time I log on to SugarDaddy.com (a.k.a. SugarDaddyForMe.com), around 2,000 other members are also online. SeekingArrangement.com, "The meeting place for mutually beneficial relationships," has 100,000 users. Sugardaddie.com, "Where the classy, attractive and affluent can meet," has 200,000. "These websites make it very efficient," says historian Ruth Rosen, the author of a book on prostitution. "Because it's very clear; you don't have to use coded language."
She adds, "It's many fewer hours than working at Wal-Mart, and if it's not completely disgusting, the women may see it as just something that doesn't particularly identify them in any way; in other words, their identity as a person may not be, 'I am a prostitute or a sex worker.' It's just, 'I do this in order to support myself.'"
Steve Pasternack, Sugardaddie.com's founder, offers a more romantic view. "It's just natural for guys to want to take care of women and women to want to be taken care of," he explains. "It's hard to find a nice guy that's successful and so isn't gonna split the bill at McDonald's."
So true. Thus, three days later, I am pretending to negotiate with Potential Daddy No. 2. He's looking for a friend, someone he can trust, someone who is younger and hotter than he—and his wife. He doesn't want a professional. He just wants to replace his last beloved sugar baby, who, he claims, slept with him four to eight times a week for $300 a pop, which would technically a professional make, but like my first date, he isn't here to quibble over semantics.
"Under California law, solicitation is to offer or accept anything of value for sexual services," says former San Jose police chief and Hoover Institute fellow Joseph McNamara. "But this is right on the line. If the relationship exists for some time and the guy is mega-rich, he can give you whatever he wants; it's not prostitution anymore. Let's face it—a lot of relationships are like that. It's a common thing."
My friend of the disheartening post-graduate-school job search initially scowls when I tell her what Daddy No. 2 offered me. When I point out that it took me two days to get two offers that pay more than my job at Mother Jones, that I could make $9,600 a month—$115,200 a year—and the average starting salary for someone with humanities masters' like ours is $39,808, she sighs, "I really don't know if I could stand banging some disgusting creep for money. But there are really some pretty compelling reasons to try."
It is the same sentiment that I've elicited from a lawyer, who says, "I paid 100 grand to go to law school, and I could make more money on my back," the same response I get from an executive assistant, a service-industry worker, and a teacher, who hold five degrees between them. Even Rosen, after asking me how much I'm "worth," exclaims, "That's a lot! Think about your income. Think about mine. I'm not advocating this; I'm just saying I can understand the calculations."
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this is a pretty good argument for a higher marginal tax rate. what about 78% on income above $5,000,000 a year and a confiscatory annual capital gains tax on wealth above $50,000,000. That should about even the score.
Oh for a society where a woman is more valuable for hats between her ears. Sigh...
CORRECTION
this is a pretty good argument for a higher marginal tax rate. what about 78% on income above $5,000,000 a year and a confiscatory annual capital gains tax on wealth above $50,000,000. That should about even the score. Oh for a society where a woman is more valuable for Whats between her ears. Sigh...
great opportunity for women. $3,000 a month for hanging out once a week you make that one client for 6 days a week to have a day off and bingo... $18,000 a month.
Every guy on SD is not an older well to do guy looking for a young high priced hooker. Some are older mature guys looking for someone not that much younger but who stills has her femininity and seductiveness. Many of the older (in their 50's and 60's) women on the single sites have become so androgenous as to be unappealing. The use of the word "sex" in casual conversation offends them. Some men keep their sexual drives well into their 60's and 70's and would like to find someone for a serious relationship who can and wants to keep up with us.
And a fun read, too! Enjoyed it!
this is the most depressing story i have read in a long time. how can this young woman who was fortunate enough to be put through college and get a degree conclude that prostitution is a good option? because she has to start at a low wage? welcome to my world, low wage beginning, middle and end. but there's some things i won't sell. that is my way of being a 'pro-sex feminist'. if you want to stroke some greaser's ego for the price of a dinner, as you did, or sell your services, then tell me how much you would charge for your vote? how much for perjury? how much to stomp on someone who is vulnerable? if money is all that matters donald trump might have a job for you.
Good for you for writing about this [deleted]. The sad thing which you may not know as US citizens is that 39,808$ is just about twice what the same person would earn,if female, in France, and that 5 years down the line...The question fo course is less the prostitution but the whole societal set-up that makes it even considered as something possible. Lack of support for family structure of any kind, support, if thinly veiled for rape in most forms, lack of human education for most men, etc etc. I write harder than you are used to reading, particularly in these repressive days, but the definitions are fo course far from new, sadly. The acute case of arrogant blindness that hits many men from 50-65 is only one of the prices..To the matureman, etc who wrote here, this is clearly not a dating service but prostitution. Keep your definitions clear, so that your relationships will be as well. You'll end up much happier, and your sex life much better, most certainly.
Poor waitresses are expected to pay taxes on their tips and slave-wages, at the very least this should be legalized, regulated and taxed. For GOD'S sake! Married women are practically giving it away!!! And BTW; I wouldn't want anyone like this person to do ANY kind of paid work for me because obviously if she doesn't have any respect for herself, she isn't going to have any respect for anyone in the buisness world. Poor dear, hope she makes a lot of money, 'cause when she gets old and wrinkled, she'll be having to buy it back! (Pun intended)
This is an utterly disgusting excuse for political journalism - rather un-befitting to Mother Jones. This is what you would expect to see on FOX News - pure cultural destruction in the name of "expose journalism". SMUT. Anyone out there honestly thinks we're going to right conditions in the country with $##! like this? Shame on you then. PURE TRASH.
Good god this is depressing. Gutter girls and the monkey men that pay them. I'm going to pretend I never read this.
Mother Jones is really pandering to the lowest common denominator with this article.
The vitriol and moralistic fervor among readers evoked by this story is both astounding and educational. Of what concern is it to unaffected third parties what two consenting adults chose to do with their time or their money?
All intimate relationships are about sex and money and that especially includes marriage. All one need do is drive through any rich neighborhood to see most of the beautiful, sexy, socially connected, legitimate, married women in town. Choosing a mate on the basis of wealth and privilege is as old as history. Cloaking it in a ritual called marriage doesn't make the women opening their legs for money and status morally superior to any other women. They're just high class hookers themselves.
This doesn't alarm me, I think they have a right to do what they wish within the bounds of the law.
What disgusts me is the morals police, high class women who spend their time bashing other women for being more honest about what they do.
Sex is good. It's a lot of fun, very pleasurable and perfectly natural. We need lots more of it, not less.
Viva SugarDaddies and every other website that hooks up men and women, women and women, men and men and any other combination to enjoy the pleasures of the flesh free of guilt and recrimination.
Scott, the fact that you blast this article as "smut", and then comment that the activity it covers is a sign of the country's moral decay (and therefore politically relevant) seems to indicate that you don't really understand journalism or politics.
"Mature, Sexual Male" - You're obviously gay, and obviously a failure. I'm sorry you're so confused about life. If you think intimate relationships are about money then you've obviously never had one. Your concepts are primitive. As someone who's bean goaded to strip clubs in my youth by less thoughtful friends and tried to enjoy them (while having plenty of money, mind you) I have found them to be as un-enjoyable as banging your head with a brick. Hookers would be even worse.
mature sexual male, i am not rich or young, but i am loved. you can pay women to flatter you if you want, but it's better to have someone who is there for you, rich or poor. just because you don't believe in it, doesn't mean it isn't real.
Dear Way More Mature, (as represented by your own opinion of yourself.)
FYI, I'm heterosexual and have been married to my 2d wife for 18 years. My marriage to my 1st wife lasted 25 years. I have a Ph.D. and a Law Degree, have enjoyed two successful careers, and a Google search of my real name will get you 10,000 hits, more or less. But I have friends who are French, Brazilian, German, Mexican, Ugandan, Canadian, Spanish, Italian, American, black, white, yellow and brown, gay, straight, bi-sexual and mentally and emotional healthy.
What have you accomplished other than to become a warped zealot who spews hatred, and resorts to insults and name calling to make a point that your mind is incapable of formulating?
Grow up, you bigoted imbecile.
I am surprised at the slaps I have gotten from other supposedly liberal/progressives. I can assure you I am completely heterosexual. I am probably more successful in a professional and material basis then any of my critics. Why do mature women who have lost their sex drives, or men who probably never had one want to put down someone who still has an above average reading of testosterone? Take a nap, your medications, or go for a walk some of us progressives still believe in love, lust and physical intimacy.
And by the way I have not been to a strip club since I was in the service of our country in 63 while stationed in the Pacific.
hey, matures,
what have you got against cultivating your body and mind in a way that will make a woman want you for something other than your wallet?
Thank you Nancy! I see some people believe in truth around here.
Honestly I think this whole thing is kinda funny. The young girls make some money and some superficial geezers get a good time bounce. However, I still think it's wrong to characterize relationships as prostitution as the "mature" people here are doing. We are more sophisticated than animals. Physical superficiality is probably a lot more of a factor than money (at least for men) and I'm not saying that such things are not present at some level in relationships, but truly MATURE relationships are built on a lot more.
I just can't imagine getting much pleasure in paying a girl for sex. I did it once at the goading of some friends (like the strip club reference below) and it was *interesting* but that's it. I couldn't even get off 'cause it just felt wrong. I'm not trying to get moralistic about it, it was just weird and felt in-human. It kinda blows my mind that these guys can do this so callously and the girls seem to tolerate it.
Unworthy of contemplation....
Some will always want to exploit others for sex,
and some will always see that as
easy money
the New York Times had an article supporting the idea that poor people should be able to sell a kidney. a short leap to asking why these deadbeats don't sell whatever instead of leeching off the taxpayer. for people of my age, sex and class, the opportunity to do dignified work for a living wage is not something to take for granted. it is very discouraging that so many think it's beneath them.
As an older man, I like young women. I live in asia where there are an abundance of them. Unlike my US counterparts, I don't have to put up with the insulting tones of a white woman. I just pay my money and have my fun. Who would live in that country of bitches?
I also live in Asia. As I type this comment there is a "freshly used" 20 year old woman sleeping in my bed. On Saturdays I regularly ride a young lady who thinks baby gravy is good for her complexion... because I told her so. I LOVE this place. Of the 8 ladies in current rotation not one of them gets insulted when I do them doggy style, because they have no knowledge of porn and don't feel degraded.
I LOVE this place!
This is what capitalism brings us to, isn't it? Everything becomes a commodity to be sold on the open market. Prostitution's already legal in some states--how far off was this?
Tim, this type of behavior is not caused by "capitalism". It's simply using capitalism.
i was really bummed that a woman with a great education and a good start on a career would call it 'sex positive feminism' to pump up some rich capitalist's ego for the price of a dinner. but for sex-positive feminism i would recommend this site
http://susiebright.blogs.com/
provocative, funny, and says things you won't hear anywhere else.
Clearly you are an idealist. The former idealist in me knows you well. However as a sinle mom with 2 BA's and a masters in education- working in education- I can tell you that at some point idealism gives way to "by any means necessary". I had to send my daughter to stay with her grandparents because i quite simply cannot afford to keep her with my salary and college loans. A "Sugar Daddy" is something i have definitly considered as idealism gives way to reality.
good luck to you, i hope things get better soon. it's a disgrace that our best and brightest work hard to get an education and then carry a huge college loan. the corruption from the private sector and the dumping of responsibility from the govt. is something i hope we will address after november. i think it's likely that any 'sugar daddy' would end up costing you more than just your time in the long run.
gee, you are a superior sort, aren't you?
well good for you. but if you don't think he who loves you would service another person if the attraction and circumstances were right you are living in a dream. what's the #1 reason prostitutes give about wht their johns see them? sex. what's one of the top 3 reasons for divorce? sex.
I always find it hilarious that most men's "liberal and progressive" attitudes stop just short of their cock. Educate yourselves on misogyny please.
Sounds like a whole agenda is going on to keep our women further away from integrity, purity, strong family, virtue, and as close as possible to depravity, low moral standards, promiscuity - let me guess - another method for advancement of population reduction.
There are women who believe a sugardaddy is the way to enjoy the best things in life. But I think finding romance and passion without a price tag or verbal contract (so to speak) is much more seductive. Sadly, I see more older women also falling into the trap of young male lovers who want expensive gifts as payback for their romantic interludes. It looks like both sexes have learned to play this game. I'm sorry, but it's not a game that appeals to me. If it was, I'd still be with my husband! He discovered infidelity has a huge financial penalty. Live and learn.
making a living wage is very difficult and I often feel used and taken advantage of anyway. I would welcome the opportunity to make what I'm worth and have a little fun, even if I have to pretend a little. If I was 10yrs younger I would consider it. After all, I've often felt degraded by relationships that left me financially hit, what would really be the difference, except for being able to pay all my bills, not just part of them each month!
I prefer to Richromances.com. a good site for single millionaires and beautiful people
Way to go Nicki, we always knew you would amount to something. Thank God OSU degrees are way cheaper, therefore only forcing you to get on your knees once on month. Loved the blog. Why is MJ mag only allowing your talents to cover the enigma of what lays between our legs (box of worms)?
cheers to the author for writing this story - on a number of levels.
as for everyone who's flying off the handle in some way or another at the author, at mother jones, or at both: i hope you all get flat tires on the way to work tomorrow. seriously.
After reading Ms. McClelland's article, as embarassed as I am to say, I seriously began considering a relationship like this. After graduating from a top-tier school, in the midst of a Master's program, in debt to my eyebrows, and barely able to pay for the necessary bills (rent, heat, dog food, groceries, gas, etc.), I decided to check this type of agreement out. Living paycheck-to-paycheck sucks and I know I'm earning more than most of the (single) parents of my students. But, they also probably aren't $50,000 in the hole for their education. Also, I was severely burned about a year ago in a relationship by the man I thought I was going to spend my life with. Since then, my heart has been very guarded (a.k.a. I don't even enjoy flirting anymore) and I haven't had sex since. I don't think I'm ready for another "serious" relationship, but I do know that I would like to enjoy a healthy sexual relationship with someone. Who's to judge--morally I think that sex without a complete commitment can be problematic. But, I also know that I'm in my late 20s, poor as s#&t, and, frankly, a bit horny. So, what's a smart, liberal, feminist woman to do--in my opinion, turn to sugardaddy.com and kill a few birds with one stone.
my LTE
I am a new subscriber to Mother Jones, and all was going well until I read Nicole McClelland’s horrific article on the trend of Sugar Daddy websites. It was dreadful enough to make me rethink my subscription altogether.
McClelland glibly portrays sex-for-money transactions as a quirky and harmless pastime that young women might consider as a quick route to college loan repayment. This is deeply offensive to the hundreds of thousands of women around the world who engage in prostitution for their day-to-day survival, who likely don't have school loans, probably aren't reading Mother Jones, and certainly don't realize how much fun they're supposed to be having. These include Nepalese girls sold into prostitution by their impoverished families, Iraqi refugees fleeing to Syria who find they are barred from any other job, teen runaways in America who are typically approached for prostitution within 48 hours of hitting the street, and the women locked up inside Nevada's legal brothels who are never permitted to refuse any customer.
Accounts of "true" prostitution are readily available to anyone willing to do the research, but McClelland didn’t mention any of these so-called sex workers. Nor did she mention Melissa Farley’s extensive research on prostituted women in nine countries establishing that 68% of them met the clinical criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, 75% had been homeless, and 63% were raped on the job at least once. A different study done in Portland, OR found that prostitutes working there are raped an average of once a week. Surely there is no other "work" in the world with this level of occupational hazard.
Besides her apparent ignorance of prostitution's reality, McClelland commits another glaring error when she dismisses her prospective sugar daddy with this stomach-turning line: "We are all sex-positive feminists here, offended not that he offered me money for sex, but that he offered so little and was so gross." Using the propagandist term "sex-positive" implies that some women, presumably the ones who only have sex with people they genuinely like, are somehow "sex-negative." I cannot understand what McClelland finds "positive" about haggling over the price of access to her vagina with a stranger she met through an online pimp. That's not sex-positive. That's sex-meaningless.
hey darkskinned 24yr old woman looking to be spoiled 5"11,dark brown eyes,dark hair,dark skin dominican princess
Everyone eeds money rather they are too proud to admit i ot or not whether or not to say that you are selling your body and exploring your options is strictly up to the individual that has the "merchandise"there is some enjoyment of some sort or this exhibition would not have taken place for oh so many years
This goes a long way towards proving my premise that there are very few women in lower Manhatten that one cant have either rough and dirty up against a alley wall or bent over a toilet in a public restroom for about 25 dollar American.
