We All Scream For Wayne LaPierre's Ice Cream

From my cold, dead, sticky hands…

Among the revelations in last weekend's New York Times profile of National Rifle Association chief executive Wayne LaPierre was this delicious nugget: "His fantasy," according to a former colleague, "was to retire from the NRA and open an ice cream shop in Maine." Should LaPierre ever beat his swords into ice cream scoops, here are a few suggestions for flavors that will set him apart from Ben & Jerry's:

Second Amendmint

S'more Guns, Less Crime

Glocky Road

Concealed Carry Garcia


Stand Your Grounds (with real espresso beans!)

Jamoca Ammo Fudge

Freeze, M*****f*****!

Shall Not Be In-Fridged

Banana Clip Chip

License to Chill

Jackfruited Thugs (exotic sorbet flavor)

Wayne Swirled

What, no hand-packed pints of Gun Nut? The Star Spangled Ice Cream company beat him to it a decade ago—and even scored an endorsement from NRA board member Ted Nugent.