Winter Holidays = God Awful Pop Music

Regrettably, I spent my morning listening to songs on the Monster Ballads Xmas CD and the LeeVees' How Do You Spell Channukkahh EP. Any holiday spirit I had when I woke up this morning has now been completely ripped out of my system.

I'm not sure why holiday rock almost always = terrible rock, but the monster ballad CD and the silly Jewish rock EP are living proof that rock songs about Santa and pop songs about potato latkes are not, and will never be, cool, funny, interesting, or enjoyable in any way. I want to personally thank them for giving me a full-fledged holiday headache.

Did Lita Ford really think that recording "I'll Be Home For Christmas" with Twisted Sister was a good use of her time? And when Tom Keifer of Cinderella sings "Blue Christmas," all I can think is, who the hell is Tom Keifer? As difficult as it is for me to admit that I actually bought a Winger tape (yes, a cassette tape) once, their version of "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" is four minutes and six seconds of sheer torture. As for the LeeVees, to me they sound like They Might Be Giants performing at a Bar Mitzvah.

Twisted Sister guitarist Jay Jay French, a co-executive producer of the rock CD, had this to say about the compilation:"'The 'Monster Ballads Xmas' CD will bring the party vibe into the holiday season with enough hairspray to further enlarge the hole in the ozone layer above the North Pole." Wow.

Comments

Huh? What are you talking about, the whole [deleted] holiday is one huge [deleted] head-ache. If anything is a metaphor for what a grotesque bloated funereal joke America has become, it's the xmas shopping season.

Posted by: OldYeller on 11/30/07 at 12:23 PM Respond

I agree, wholeheartedly. Too much schlock, too much commercialism. Too much of everything

I think I'll listen to my Deller Consort CD now. 'Medieval Songs and Carols for Christmastime'. Back when people still got it.

Posted by: Mrs. Garside on 11/30/07 at 12:27 PM Respond

I recommend the classics. Andy Williams singing "It's the most wonderful time of the year" is bound to make you forget this morning's American bombing mission that incinerated yet another family of women & children in Afghanistan.

Posted by: RussBBinVegas@aol.com on 11/30/07 at 1:11 PM Respond

My idea of a classic is "I Am Santa Claus" by Bob Rivers & Twisted Radio (the title track is a take-off on Black Sabbath's "Iron Man"). It's hilarious.

Posted by: greenknight on 12/01/07 at 3:47 AM Respond

I recommend "Gregorian Christmas" by the Brothers of St. Gregories as, perhaps, the polar opposite of Monster Ballads...maybe a little contemplation with the "Brothers" will restore your Christmas cheer and soothe your pulsating pate.

Posted by: MrKalabash on 12/01/07 at 7:28 AM Respond

actually I did enjoy Christmas songs in rock
format.

Posted by: Dr.Q on 12/01/07 at 11:11 AM Respond

Absolutely monstrous in an acrimonious sort of way.

Posted by: Penny on 12/01/07 at 11:34 AM Respond

I have heard Christmas music since September at stores in my area. I am so sick of those same songs year after year. It's okay on Christmas Eve or even the week of Christmas but before that please spare us.

Posted by: Susan Torres on 12/01/07 at 2:52 PM Respond

Meow?

Posted by: Andrew Werling on 12/05/07 at 7:58 AM Respond

Well maybe u should check out some tom keifer videos on youtube, and I think hes version of blue christmas is one of the best....

Posted by: sf on 12/08/07 at 4:27 AM Respond

The hottest female singer Ava Leigh who just came off tour with Lupe Fiasco has recently put out her single Mad about the boy which is available on I tunes or visits Avaleigh.co.uk

Posted by: ava leigh on 07/18/08 at 7:49 AM Respond