Bored With Rock and Roll? How About Shock and Roll? Now You Can Taser With a Beat

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Ever feel like shocking people just ain't what it used to be? Like your self-defense experience is a little bit...boring? TASER International, whose 50,000 volt "electronic control technology" has helped redefine "trigger-happy," knows what you're missing: a new leopard-print stun gun, and an mp3-equipped holster to put it in.

Yes, for just a shade more than $450, you can own not just a weapon, but a personal protection experience. So says TASER head Rick Smith. "Personal protection can be both fashionable and functionable," Smith elaborated in a press release announcing the company's plans to "unleash" the new weapon and holster. Weapon, you say? Thought TASERs were nonlethal? Well, they are—as long as you don't suffer from over-exhaustion, a heart condition, a back condition, or "excited delirium," and avoid the perils of "Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome," which according to TASER "results from a complex set of physiological and psychological conditions characterized by irrational behavior, extreme exertion, and potentially fatal changes in blood chemistry." Symptoms include "extreme agitation" and "sweating profusely."

The company claims that these conditions, and not the device itself, account for the more than 150 recorded deaths of people who were for the most part perfectly healthy before receiving (often repeated) shocks from the device. But whatever: Seizures are such a buzzkill. Ditch those squares, rock on to your own soundtrack, and don't forget: shoot early and often. Ain't no party like a TASER party.

—Casey Miner

Comments

Being tazed, bro, is a damn site better than being shot. Oh wait, I forgot, we're supposed to dial 911. When seconds count the police are only minutes away.

Posted by: Jon Dunn on 01/11/08 at 2:04 PM Respond

Hilarious! And sick. What the?
Wow, super sweet taser dude.
This is the end all. What in the world is this country coming too? So, now it's taser tag?

Posted by: Ali on 01/11/08 at 2:47 PM Respond

Well, dang! I'm goin' right out and gettin' me one of those tasers - it will be the perfect accessory for my leopard skin pill box hat. & to Ali: The Divided States are getting damn close to being a third world country. That's what it's coming to.

Posted by: pasha zio on 01/11/08 at 3:34 PM Respond

hell, not just the *pretty TASER!*

you can get *colourful, personalized HANDGUNS & SHOTGUNS... *

hell, you can even JOIN THE CLUB...

Pink Pistols: new Canadian Chapter! oh goodie... shades of "The Brave One"

http://thiscanadian.typepad.com/this_canadian/2007/09/pink-pistols-ne.html

~~~

Spread Love...
... but wear the Glove!

BlueBerry Pick'n
can be found @
ThisCanadian DOT com
~~~
"We, two, form a Multitude" ~ Ovid.
~~~
"Silent Freedom is Freedom Silenced"

Posted by: BlueBerry Pick'n on 01/11/08 at 4:48 PM Respond

The design seems guaranteed to make it more interesting to kids. Not long now before we have one four year old killing another with a 'pretty looking toy weapon'.
Utterly irresponsible of TASER to package a weapon that has killed enough innocent people without adding any more.

Posted by: weee on 01/11/08 at 5:01 PM Respond

weee: Before worrying about four year-olds killing each other, we should be concerned about the police tasering children - did you see the CNN article about the Miami police?!?
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/11/14/children.tasers/

Posted by: PennyiSD on 01/11/08 at 5:55 PM Respond

*gags*Just when I thought,materialism,marketing and this country's obbession with violence;couldn't sink any lower.It turns out,that there's a whole other level beneath the bottom!:(

Posted by: Lacey on 01/12/08 at 10:36 AM Respond

our local paper just ran an article on a woman who is hosting tazer parties modeled after tupperware parties. somehow i see this effort as backfiring especially in light of the deaths of people in less than perfect physical condition who have been tazed. plus the ability to use such a painful device that is usually non lethal will be abused. (Who you lookin' at bitch? Oh, you want some of this?)

Posted by: jim h on 01/12/08 at 7:02 PM Respond

Personal defense has been and will always be a big issue and a very big industry.
for ever.

Posted by: Dr.Q on 01/13/08 at 10:51 AM Respond

Perhaps if you "suffer from over-exhaustion, a heart condition,[or] a back condition" it would be a good idea to avoid mugging people in the street.

However, concentrated pepper spray is far more reliable for civilian use. I wonder if I can find some hip design for a canister...

Posted by: Bakari on 01/14/08 at 9:01 AM Respond

Funnier and sicker than future fiction depiction

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Rrpocx00X6s

Posted by: Sabine A on 01/14/08 at 10:08 AM Respond

For anyone who might be interested, these things are tested on dogs and pigs before they ever reach "humans". To me, this just proves the mindset and cruelty of the people who run this company.

Posted by: Marilyn Glasgow on 01/14/08 at 11:40 AM Respond