George W. Bush Running Mate Application

George W. Bush needs a running mate, but sufficiently bland-yet-dignified candidates are hard to come by. Are you veep material?


Please print this page and fill out the questionnaire using a typewriter or print neatly using black or blue ink only.

Name:_________________________

Address:_______________________

Age:___________________________

Occupation:____________________

Marital Status (check only one):
Single: __ Married: __ Other: __

Blood type (check only one):
A: __ A-: ___ B: __ B-:__ AB: __ AB-: __ O: __ O-: __ Blue: __

  1. The most important quality I would bring to a national ticket is (circle one):
    1. A fierce dedication to uphold the Constitution of the United
    2. States.

    3. The electoral vote guarantee of an important swing state.
    4. Respect and dignity.
    5. Money. Lots and lots and lots of money.

  2. Which of these statements is truest (circle one)?
    1. “Blood is thicker than oil.”
    2. “Oil is thicker than water.”
    3. “Blood is thicker than water.”
    4. “Oil and blood have approximately the same viscosity, but oil is easier to use as leverage.”

  3. The investment of portions of Social Security in the stock market is (circle one):
    1. A good idea.
    2. A great idea.
    3. A great idea the public will come to trust after I’ve talked to them about it.
    4. The worst idea since oyster-flavored popsicles.

  4. Please spell “potato.”

  5. Singular: ___________ Plural: _____________

  6. Hunting is better than golfing.

  7. True: ____ False: ____

  8. Did you ever know, work with, or have as a good friend, Jack Kennedy?

  9. Yes: ____ No: ____

  10. Jeb Bush’s children are (circle one):
    1. Black.
    2. Red.
    3. Brown.
    4. Short.

  11. Complete this statement. Women (circle one):
    1. Should be seen barefoot and pregnant but not heard.
    2. Got to learn to relax for the inevitable.
    3. Deserve to be executed just like normal people.

  12. As an impressionable youth, I experimented with (circle all that apply):
    1. Marijuana.
    2. Cocaine.
    3. LSD.
    4. Campaign finance reform.

  13. Electric Shock Therapy (circle one):
    1. Should be utilized only as a last resort.
    2. Is like drinking three triple shots of bourbon real fast.
    3. Can be fun.

  14. If you cannot answer yes to A, please complete B.
    1. I have many children. Yes: ____ No: ______
    2. Why not? ____________________________

  15. The W in George W Bush stands for (circle one):
    1. Wimp.
    2. Wussie.
    3. Walker.
    4. What the hell do I stand for?

  16. Please answer the following question to the best of your ability:
  17. “Who am I, and why am I here?”

    _________________________________________
    _________________________________________
    _________________________________________

DOES IT FEEL LIKE POLITICS IS AT A BREAKING POINT?

Headshot of Editor in Chief of Mother Jones, Clara Jeffery

It sure feels that way to me, and here at Mother Jones, we’ve been thinking a lot about what journalism needs to do differently, and how we can have the biggest impact.

We kept coming back to one word: corruption. Democracy and the rule of law being undermined by those with wealth and power for their own gain. So we're launching an ambitious Mother Jones Corruption Project to do deep, time-intensive reporting on systemic corruption, and asking the MoJo community to help crowdfund it.

We aim to hire, build a team, and give them the time and space needed to understand how we got here and how we might get out. We want to dig into the forces and decisions that have allowed massive conflicts of interest, influence peddling, and win-at-all-costs politics to flourish.

It's unlike anything we've done, and we have seed funding to get started, but we're looking to raise $500,000 from readers by July when we'll be making key budgeting decisions—and the more resources we have by then, the deeper we can dig. If our plan sounds good to you, please help kickstart it with a tax-deductible donation today.

Thanks for reading—whether or not you can pitch in today, or ever, I'm glad you're with us.

Signed by Clara Jeffery

Clara Jeffery, Editor-in-Chief

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