Bryan Adams is set to headline a concert to promote peace in the Middle East. The show will take place October 18 on Israel’s West Bank, and will be broadcast via satellite to London, Washington DC and Ottawa. The objective of the concert is to collect one million signatures from Israelis and Palestinians demanding that their leaders finalize an agreement on a Palestinian state living at peace with Israel.
Milli Vanilli have decided to reunite in order to help bring together North and South Korea, the Riff has learned. The duo, who disbanded in disgrace after it turned out they did not sing on their Grammy-winning album, explained in halting, heavily-accented English that the objective of their concert, to be held in the Korean Demilitarized Zone, is to undo nearly 60 years of post-war tensions. “We think we can handle it,” said Rob Pilatus, “if ‘Girl You Know It’s True’ doesn’t bring them together, what will?”
It has also been revealed that Limp Bizkit will perform a series of concerts in Spain to bring an end to the conflict with Basque separatists. Speaking to a group of officials in the Basque language of Euskara, lead singer Fred Durst explained that the group’s musical history can be read as a metatextual companion to the conflict’s history, wittily punning on song titles like “Break Stuff” and “Re-Arranged” in ways too complex to be translated into English.
Not to be outdone, beloved saxophonist Kenny G is planning to headline a concert series to promote good things and help stop bad things. The concerts will be broadcast via satellite on all channels at all times forever. Their objective will be to stop people from doing bad things, and finalize agreements on how to do more good things. The performances will continue, says G, until the objective has been reached.