Sex-Toy Maker Thanks SEALs for Killing Bin Laden

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/3350882457/sizes/o/in/photostream/">US Army</a>/Flickr Commons

Get your news from a source that’s not owned and controlled by oligarchs. Sign up for the free Mother Jones Daily.


Jessica Wakeman over at The Frisky was kind enough to share this with us:

The world’s number one selling sex toy company, Fleshlight (www.fleshlight.com) [editor’s note: TOTALLY NSFW] has extended their thanks to SEAL Team 6…who conducted one of the bravest missions in American history, forever changing the landscape of the Unites [sic] States of America, and the world.

The company sent the SEAL team a six case of Fleshlight products named “Stealth.” This product is aptly named as it is very concealable and hard to detect…

“We want to thank the Navy SEALs for their efforts,” says Brian Shubin, COO of Fleshlight. “For their courage, and the fact that they risked their lives to protect our freedom, we hope they will appreciate our gifts.”

Oh, they will, Brian. As a Navy and Iraq vet, I can personally vouch for the popularity of your products…and far, far, worse…in the fleet and downrange. General Order 1 (PDF), the overarching conduct code for soldiers deployed in the war zones, forbids porn. But it says nothing about gadgetry. (Mind you, I always wondered about the guys who mail-ordered this stuff from the US while in a war zone. Specifically, I wondered what the postal screeners and package X-rayers thought. Something like, “Hey, as long as it’s not explosive, it’s all good.”)

A Fleshlight, by the way, is pretty much what it sounds like it is. Looks like a flashlight, feels (I was told, by an enthusiastic contractor colleague of mine in Baghdad) like a certain fleshy lady part. If you really want to know what one looks like, here you go. On the company’s website, you can build your own, patterned after specific actresses’ (or your willing loved one’s) fleshy parts, or you can opt for the “alien” toy. Don’t ask.

In any case, the special operators of the armed forces thank you, Brian Shubin, COO of Fleshlight. This totally makes up for losing that $60 million super-stealth helicopter!

Take the next step: Help us fight for the truth.

Investigative journalism, like the story you just read, takes time to do. Months of research. Weeks of writing, editing, and fact checking—and putting together the photography, art, video, and audio that tell the stories in a new way, illuminating new perspectives and voices.

We can afford to take that time because we don’t report to an oligarch or corporation with a special agenda. We report to you, and for you. That’s why we unabashedly pursue the truth and relentlessly shine a light into the darkness.

In this month’s Summer Membership Drive, we’ve got to raise $200,000 to support more crucial investigations. This is a pivotal moment in our nation, with democracy on the line, and we can only do this work because readers like you step up. Every donation, of any amount, makes a difference here. We cannot do this work without you.

So, we’re asking: Will you support independent journalism that demands those in power answer for their actions?

Take the next step: Help us fight for the truth.

Investigative journalism, like the story you just read, takes time to do. Months of research. Weeks of writing, editing, and fact checking—and putting together the photography, art, video, and audio that tell the stories in a new way, illuminating new perspectives and voices

We can afford to take that time because we don’t report to an oligarch or corporation with a special agenda. We report to you, and for you. That’s why we unabashedly pursue the truth and relentlessly shine a light into the darkness.

In this month’s Summer Membership Drive, we’ve got to raise $200,000 to support more crucial investigations. This is a pivotal moment in our nation, with democracy on the line, and we can only do this work because readers like you step up. Every donation, of any amount, makes a difference here. We cannot do this work without you.

So, we’re asking: Will you support independent journalism that demands those in power answer for their actions?

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

INDEPENDENT. BECAUSE OF YOU.

Mother Jones has no billionaires calling the shots—just readers like you making fearless reporting possible

Donate