Sex-Toy Maker Thanks SEALs for Killing Bin Laden

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/3350882457/sizes/o/in/photostream/">US Army</a>/Flickr Commons


Jessica Wakeman over at The Frisky was kind enough to share this with us:

The world’s number one selling sex toy company, Fleshlight (www.fleshlight.com) [editor’s note: TOTALLY NSFW] has extended their thanks to SEAL Team 6…who conducted one of the bravest missions in American history, forever changing the landscape of the Unites [sic] States of America, and the world.

The company sent the SEAL team a six case of Fleshlight products named “Stealth.” This product is aptly named as it is very concealable and hard to detect…

“We want to thank the Navy SEALs for their efforts,” says Brian Shubin, COO of Fleshlight. “For their courage, and the fact that they risked their lives to protect our freedom, we hope they will appreciate our gifts.”

Oh, they will, Brian. As a Navy and Iraq vet, I can personally vouch for the popularity of your products…and far, far, worse…in the fleet and downrange. General Order 1 (PDF), the overarching conduct code for soldiers deployed in the war zones, forbids porn. But it says nothing about gadgetry. (Mind you, I always wondered about the guys who mail-ordered this stuff from the US while in a war zone. Specifically, I wondered what the postal screeners and package X-rayers thought. Something like, “Hey, as long as it’s not explosive, it’s all good.”)

A Fleshlight, by the way, is pretty much what it sounds like it is. Looks like a flashlight, feels (I was told, by an enthusiastic contractor colleague of mine in Baghdad) like a certain fleshy lady part. If you really want to know what one looks like, here you go. On the company’s website, you can build your own, patterned after specific actresses’ (or your willing loved one’s) fleshy parts, or you can opt for the “alien” toy. Don’t ask.

In any case, the special operators of the armed forces thank you, Brian Shubin, COO of Fleshlight. This totally makes up for losing that $60 million super-stealth helicopter!

OUR NEW CORRUPTION PROJECT

The more we thought about how MoJo's journalism can have the most impact heading into the 2020 election, the more we realized that so many of today's stories come down to corruption: democracy and the rule of law being undermined by the wealthy and powerful for their own gain.

So we're launching a new Mother Jones Corruption Project to do deep, time-intensive reporting on systemic corruption. We aim to hire, build a team, and give them the time and space needed to understand how we got here and how we might get out. We'll publish what we find as a major series in the summer of 2020, including a special issue of our magazine, a dedicated online portal, and video and podcast series so it doesn't get lost in the daily deluge of breaking news.

It's unlike anything we've done before and we've got seed funding to get started, but we're asking readers to help crowdfund this new beat with an additional $500,000 so we can go even bigger. You can read why we're taking this approach and what we want to accomplish in "Corruption Isn't Just Another Scandal. It's the Rot Beneath All of Them," and if you like how it sounds, please help fund it with a tax-deductible donation today.

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our newsletters

Subscribe and we'll send Mother Jones straight to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate