Dave Gilson

Dave Gilson

Senior editor

Dave Gilson is a senior editor at Mother Jones' San Francisco (not Frisco) office. Reach him at dgilson@motherjones.com. Follow him on Twitter or read more of his stories.

Get my RSS |

Advertise on MotherJones.com

Kids, Obama Is Going to Close Gitmo And This Time He Means It.

| Fri Oct. 10, 2014 5:46 PM EDT
"Don't make me pull this prison camp over. Because I will."

Scene: President Obama, driving slowly toward the White House, announces yet again that he wants to shut down the Guantanamo prison camp. A clamor erupts in the back seat.

Kids, I've already told you a million times—I'm going to close Guantanamo.

This time I mean it. And no bellyaching.

Listen, I know you don't like it, but it's time we behaved like civilized human beings.

I don't care who started it. That doesn't make it right.

Will you please quiet down? I can't even hear my own executive order over all that racket!

I'm serious now. End of discussion.

Because I am your president, that's why!

Don't make me pull this prison camp over. Because I will.

Just wait until your next president hears about this. Hoo boy is she gonna be mad.

Keep it up and you won't be extralegally detaining anyone for a solid month, mister!

We've been over the drone thing. When you're a president you can do whatever you want with a drone.

Don't you "habeas schmabeas" me, young lady!

That's it! I am so drafting a new, even stronger statement as soon as we get home.

And stop asking if we're there yet! We'll end this War on Terror when we get there!

Thu Nov. 16, 2006 8:57 PM EST
Thu Nov. 16, 2006 2:40 PM EST
Wed Nov. 15, 2006 12:31 PM EST
Tue Nov. 14, 2006 7:24 PM EST
Tue Nov. 14, 2006 5:28 PM EST
Tue Nov. 14, 2006 3:36 PM EST
Tue Nov. 14, 2006 1:02 PM EST
Mon Nov. 13, 2006 8:12 PM EST
Fri Nov. 10, 2006 4:24 PM EST
Thu Nov. 9, 2006 12:46 AM EST
Wed Nov. 8, 2006 1:43 PM EST
Wed Nov. 8, 2006 6:14 AM EST
Wed Nov. 8, 2006 2:30 AM EST
Wed Nov. 8, 2006 12:12 AM EST
Tue Nov. 7, 2006 11:38 PM EST
Tue Nov. 7, 2006 11:24 PM EST
Tue Nov. 7, 2006 10:54 PM EST
Mon Nov. 6, 2006 6:27 PM EST
Mon Nov. 6, 2006 12:10 PM EST
Fri Nov. 3, 2006 12:45 PM EST
Thu Nov. 2, 2006 6:34 PM EST
Wed Nov. 1, 2006 12:14 PM EST
Tue Oct. 31, 2006 5:55 PM EST
Fri Oct. 27, 2006 3:15 PM EDT
Fri Oct. 27, 2006 1:11 AM EDT
Wed Oct. 18, 2006 1:48 PM EDT
Tue Oct. 17, 2006 8:54 PM EDT
Wed Oct. 11, 2006 4:37 PM EDT
Wed Oct. 11, 2006 12:45 PM EDT
Tue Oct. 10, 2006 1:07 PM EDT
Fri Sep. 29, 2006 1:47 PM EDT
Thu Sep. 28, 2006 4:12 PM EDT
Thu Sep. 28, 2006 3:45 PM EDT
Thu Sep. 21, 2006 3:35 PM EDT
Thu Aug. 10, 2006 7:15 PM EDT
Fri Aug. 4, 2006 5:21 PM EDT