January/February 2010 Issue

False Positives

The 10 best excuses given by athletes busted for doping.

Photo of Roger Clemens: Wikimedia Commons

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ATHLETE

WHAT HE SAID CAUSED THE POSITIVE RESULT

Tour de France winner Floyd Landis

Too much Jack Daniel’s

Czech tennis player Petr Korda

Veal dinner

Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson

Sarsaparilla-and-ginseng energy drink

American sprinter Dennis Mitchell

5 beers and 4 sex acts the night before the race

SF Giants slugger Barry Bonds

Flaxseed oil

Pitcher Roger Clemens

Lidocaine and vitamin B12

British shot-putter Paul Edwards

Drinking a bottle of shampoo (seriously)

Tennis champ Andre Agassi

Drinking his assistant’s meth-spiked soda

Italian soccer player Marco Borriello

Rubbing STD medicine on himself

Olympic cyclist Tyler Hamilton

A “vanishing twin” absorbed into his mother’s womb. (Don’t ask.)

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PLEASE—BEFORE YOU CLICK AWAY!

“Lying.” “Disgusting.” “Scum.” “Slime.” “Corrupt.” “Enemy of the people.” Donald Trump has always made clear what he thinks of journalists. And it’s plain now that his administration intends to do everything it can to stop journalists from reporting things it doesn’t like—which is most things that are true.

We’ll say it loud and clear: At Mother Jones, no one gets to tell us what to publish or not publish, because no one owns our fiercely independent newsroom. But that also means we need to directly raise the resources it takes to keep our journalism alive. There’s only one way for that to happen, and it’s readers like you stepping up. Please do your part and help us reach our $150,000 membership goal by May 31.

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