Well, so the president thought it all over, and decided to make things worse.
Making a very convincing case that there was no choice, he explained why, as bad as things have gone so far, we would be missing an incredible opportunity if we didn’t immediately take the disaster to the next level.
This time, he assured, things would be different, in that there would be absolutely no possibility of improving the situation. With virtually no support from any of the parties involved, including his supporters, and ignoring the defeats suffered to date as evidence for radically changing course, the president deftly argued for seizing the chance to engage in unprecedented folly.
Not only that, but in a stunning show of accountability, the president publicly claimed responsibility for any mistakes that might have been made on his watch, yet remained steadfastly committed to not admitting any. For the first time since the last time he addressed the nation, the president’s disarmingly lucid oratory met all expectations. With no end of
unsubstantiated facts to substantiate his renewed commitment to the end times, he stood firm to protect his mission, his legacy, his vision of a world in total harmony with apocalyptic ideals.
Cut our losses? Never. To what end have we come all this way if we fail to fail completely? Staring soberly into the camera, he brushed aside all speculation of backing down, of giving in, of listening to anyone who would dare suggest the leader of so great a nation might ever doubt his own ignorance. His logic is airtight. We can¹t afford not to screw this up totally. And to his detractors who cry out like sissies at a bar fight that it can’t get any worse, the president shot back a reassuring, “you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
Such resolve to bankrupt a nation economically and morally in the service of international turmoil and suffering, and to unburden us of any hope for peace in our lifetime, warrants a respect and admiration reserved for few. He gave it to us straight, as we tuned in breathlessly and came to the obvious conclusion.
The guy makes sense.