Warm, Fuzzy Satanists

For indispensable reporting on the coronavirus crisis, the election, and more, subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily newsletter.


satanist150.jpgSome divorced couples argue over whether their kids should have dessert. Some over homework.

And some argue over whether their kids should be brought up Satanist.

From the Chicago Tribune comes the story of an Indiana mom who wants a court to make her Devil-worshiping ex-husband take her kids to Christian church. Long story short, Satanists are not exactly the role models she had in mind for her offspring. But the Beelzebub fans themselves say she’s got them all wrong. From a related Trib blog post:

“Some of your readers might wonder what exposure to Satanism might do to a developing child,” Gilmore said. “I recognized myself as a Satanist at age 13 and was subsequently the valedictorian of my high school class in 1976, being quite open about my religion.”

Uh, yeah, Gilmore? Chris Kattan wants his material back.

Guessing correctly that folks would be eager to voice their opinions about raising Satanist children, the Trib has opened the comment floodgates. But before you make up your mind as to whether dude should have to hand his kids over to the other team every week, I recommend you take a gander at the Church of Satan website. If you hope like I did that there will be a lot of black, purple, and Latin, you’re in for a real treat.

But beneath all that JavaScript of darkness, Satanists, it turns out, are just a bunch of ol’ softies. “Satanism isn’t about taking drugs, and it isn’t about harming animals or children,” says a document called the Youth Communiqué. And they like you for what’s on the inside:

It doesn’t matter what kind of music you like to listen to; it doesn’t make any difference whether you prefer gothic music, black metal music, classical music, old popular tunes, show tunes, or many different types of music. It doesn’t matter what style of clothes you like to wear. You don’t have to wear black, or t-shirts with “Heavy Metal” band logos, or trench coats.

The Satanists are also total pragmatists. For example, they’re up front about the fact that, let’s face it, not every kid’s allowance will stretch far enough to cover the pageantry of full-on devil-worshiping ceremonies. “Maybe you don’t have the money to obtain—or the private space to store—items such as swords, chalices, black robes, gongs, and elaborate altars…Sometimes the most effective ritual chamber is found in your own imagination…”

Like, wow. You know who else wants his material back? Mister Rogers.

Dunno about y’all, but I’m thinking this all sounds pretty G rated.

Image from churchofsatan.com

DEMOCRACY DOES NOT EXIST...

without free and fair elections, a vigorous free press, and engaged citizens to reclaim power from those who abuse it.

In this election year unlike any other—against a backdrop of a pandemic, an economic crisis, racial reckoning, and so much daily bluster—Mother Jones' journalism is driven by one simple question: Will America move closer to, or further from, justice and equity in the years to come?

If you're able to, please join us in this mission with a donation today. Our reporting right now is focused on voting rights and election security, corruption, disinformation, racial and gender equity, and the climate crisis. We can’t do it without the support of readers like you, and we need to give it everything we've got between now and November. Thank you.

DEMOCRACY DOES NOT EXIST...

without free and fair elections, a vigorous free press, and engaged citizens to reclaim power from those who abuse it.

In this election year unlike any other—against a backdrop of a pandemic, an economic crisis, racial reckoning, and so much daily bluster—Mother Jones' journalism is driven by one simple question: Will America move closer to, or further from, justice and equity in the years to come?

If you're able to, please join us in this mission with a donation today. Our reporting right now is focused on voting rights and election security, corruption, disinformation, racial and gender equity, and the climate crisis. We can’t do it without the support of readers like you, and we need to give it everything we've got between now and November. Thank you.

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate