Texas Bill Would Ban TSA From Touching Your Junk


Texas state Rep. David Simpson, a Republican from Longview, has introduced a bill that would make it a Class A misdemeanor for TSA agents to touch your junk. The bill applies to anyone in Texas who, “as part of a search performed to grant access to a publicly accessible building or form of transportation, intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly:

(A) searches another person without probable cause to believe the person committed an offense; and

(B) touches the anus, sexual organ, or breasts of the other person, including touching through clothing, or touches the other person in a manner that would be offensive to a reasonable person.

The Don’t Touch My Junk Act of 2011, as it really should be called, does not mince words. The terms “penetration,” “anus,” and “sexual organ” appear four, eight, and nine times, respectively. Of course, this hasn’t stopped the bill from attracting dozens of cosponsors. The governing philosophy (and anti-littering campaign) known as “Don’t Mess With Texas” easily finds its analogue in “Don’t Touch My Junk.”

And what’s wrong with banning airport junk touching? Submitting to blatant penile groping surely isn’t an indispensable part of getting from Houston to Amarillo. And yet. One libertarian tells the Texas Tribune that messing with the TSA might not be worth it:

Federal employees currently hold immunity for acts they carry out while on duty, he said, and state officials are likely to face criminal charges from impeding TSA agents from doing their job. “And then who pays?” he asked. “Ultimately taxpayers pay.”

 In other words, don’t touch my wallet.

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